this time baby i’ll be BULLETPROOF*

breakups aren’t easy.

especially when the words dice the core until there isn’t another choice.

so now.

i’ve learned.

in the span of time. a month for every year.

i re-traced our steps, to see where i skipped a beat.

couldn’t find it.

except for every time my heart saw you.

the memories bookmark my head,

for all the places we’ve been.

painting the town in the colors we liked.

your smile illuminated my soul.

my words captivated your mind.

but now you’re no longer invited into my space.

and next time if you try to shoot your arrow,

it will fall against my new improved thick skin.

no more doubt.

i’ll secure a spot in my own heart and existence.

Unspoken Dialouge

im having a hard time

trying to figure us out.

are we friends?

are we lovers?

are we standing here for one another?

i can’t wait for forever

when the answer

is written…

in the sky.

Copyright © 2009 | Free To Bee Productions.

image via trendland.com

Off

Off with my head.

It will roll into the ocean

to be washed away from all of the conditioning.

Pink, purple, royal blue, then gray.

From color to bland.

My priors get lost in the sand.

My body body will drop to its knees to ask for forgivness

but i will be gone.

Off with the wave.

Off in the wind.

A new beginning…lovely.

Copyright © 2009 | Free To Bee Productions.

The Uncast Drama.

Brent Black Panama Hat

Recently, I was blessed to be apart of a conversation (in retrospect should’ve been documented for television) with a group of close friends about the views of black men and black women, respectively, and their roles in a relationship together. Some issues that were on the table were black men’s perceptions of black women (visa versa) and its connection to the quality of communication that occurs in a typical African-American relationship, what goes on inside of a black man’s/woman’s mind, and why do black men crave over women outside of their race and culture (visa versa). It was a very inspirational, mind-blowing, and sincere conversation. For many years African-American relationships carry the stigma of failure, and in most cases the omen turns out to be reality. I’m no doctor, but I will make the assessment that this one of the reasons why African-American people are so far behind the rest of the world. The infrastructure of a typical Black family is broken, and there are broken roots to build from. For once I was able to understand some truth about the Black man’s situation as well as express my personal experiences and point of views (from a Black woman’s perception). Overall three things were established: 1. there is a dying need for profound dialogue between the Black man and the Black woman, 2. each member (man and woman) needs to take accountability for their actions/(non)contributions to the African-American society, which have a major influence African-Americans’ perceptions of their own culture, and 3. The only way the black man and woman can find freedom and advancement in their own culture is through a bonafide unconditional relationship (platonic or romantic) with one another. So in honor of that talk, I wrote what is below. As always, I leave room for interpretation. Each one, teach one. This is dedicated to my male friends (who openly expressed the real at our discussion) and to all the African-American men that are completely honest with African-American women; progressively moving forward.

Consumer (Time Not Included)

As I play this game (image above), I find it very weird how today’s society loves to consume time…doing nothing. A lot of useless chatter, shopping, social networking, or even sleeping. And it’s ridiculous how we just give into all these “outlets” without a question or consideration for our individual time. Rarely we ask ourselves, ‘What am I truly doing right now?‘ I believe we will not be able to answer that question if we wanted to; in most cases there is not an answer.

This is a serious issue for me…a very serious issue. Especially when I envision greatness for my peers and myself. However, there is a Lego piece missing from this game of life, which needs to be dealt with…quickly. This is why I try my best to stay away from all of this bullshit on the internet. Like real talk, even blogging has become a new form of consuming! What was once a soap box for original thought is now a toilet bowl for hand me down images, ideas, and “news”. What is the purpose of all of this? Just to kill time? I believe there is a lot more underneath the surface.

This generation is the generation of the perfect consumers, in which we use our consumer instinct to numb our issues, worries, and insecurities. We buy, we do, to gain, to win, but its only temporary relief…so we do it again. Although the we are succeeding in a worldly sense, we are not quite successful in comparison to the history of human nature. So instead of spending time on ourselves, we dismiss every opportunity to address the problem that none of us are truly doing anything. We’re just wasting time.

I’m just tapping on a glass of water here, so I will leave this one alone for further examination. To be continued…

A Letter To My Enemies.

Connie Lim | Queen Cards Series for TrendLand

Every single one of you will perish under my breath.

My buttering sound will cloud your mind.

The egos you stand on will melt inside my lullaby.

I will die with a badge of honor.

“LOVE” embroided across my chest.

For it will be one of my last three words.

To break apart the I from You.

It will be the reason I go under.

It will be the reason you will distain me.

Your insecurities already leak through the cracks of your false confidence.

Alone you will stand amongst a crowded room.

Oblivious your army will fight for what I claim.

The juice of hate will consume you.

And you won’t even recognize it.

I feel pity…

You believe in what you see.

I envision what will be.

I rather die with love, then without it at all.

NY’s Resolution =)

I had an epiphany.

I finally discovered my New Year Resolution…

Who said, the year isn’t still new?

It is new to me.

Well…

Do you want to hear it anyways?

Ok, so here it goes…

I aspire to own forgiving eyes.

So I can acquire a balanced perception of things.

Maybe that will cure my OCD.

And allow me to have clearer skies in my days…

and nights.

Then finally it will be easy to love you.

That is all.

Shoot.

I love art.

It is the only thing that can hold

my attention for a long period of time.

The complexity and endless possibilities of it’s meaning,

Forces me to acknowledge it.

I wish most people were more like art.

Gosh darn…

Wake Up World.

It’s 3:05AM.

They’re all sleep, except for me.

Too late to call.

Too late to interrupt the people.

Don’t sleep.

It’s time. Wake up world.

PiNK SLIP.

MARC PHILBERT | PHOTOGRAPHY

image: via trendland

Forgiveness is a thing that is rarely granted to others, but highly requested.

The pink slip says “Fired for forgetting to show up.”

Your services are no longer needed.

And take Mr. Foolery, Dick, & Harry with you.

And Sally and Sue. So long to you too.

Jane, you were alright, until your gossip BOOM-eranged. Now bye.

I humbly say “thanks” for this experience with you.

I humbly say “thanks” for this experience with you.

I humbly say “thanks” for this experience with you.

The one that doesn’t know how to say no. Foolish.

I never took the time to show you my elements.

See air, see water, see earth, see flame. See me.

I will disappear and you will remain. See you.

Goodbye to my dearly departed.

I will be the one to dig your grave.

Don’t worry. My love is eternal; My love is kind.

And I will find forgiveness inside.

But for now we must part the ways…

And finally, I am okay with that.

Loaded.

Sarah Moli Newton Applebaum

image via: trendland

A martyr, I revolt against my own petition for freedom.

I shut the door that leads to my center.

Although the darkness will never mute the loud colors inside my head.

They create you and all the objects in the world surrounding.

And that is the way I see.

In colors and in objects.

It helps…to detach my heart from my mind.

It helps…

To let go and avoid soft whispers, even when I long for it the most.

No secrets to tell, you will never know me.

To break the link that divides us together.

For this man tries to release my heart from chains.

Like God, he chose mine…and he won’t let it go.

Never wanted to play love with my heart,

but my odds were looking slim. I bluffed…

And he said I’ll have to lie down someday, and take it.

So now I drape myself in many garbs…

To hide my chains from the world and to prolong defeat.

Each layer takes time, and one day he will get tired of peeling

and retreat.

Then my heart will still be mine. Chained, but not his.

To break the link that divides us together.

She calls me on the phone confused.

She was never sure if it was just hurt or really her crossing over.

Blood trails behind her, leading her back to refuge.

But she never knew because she never looked back.

I did…

And ignored every phone call, each time.

We grew up over the years, but this is not the girl that I remembered.

Broken.

Her jester face…reminded me of joke.

But no one was laughing. No punch line, no smoke.

She changed. Psyched out!

We shared no more; I was replaced by her no good lover.

And she…was now chained to thee.

She cries…

I feel…

I shunned her away to conceal these chains.

To mute the rattling when I’m traveling.

I missed the chance to be a friend.

To break the link that divides us together…

The scars hide under the skin and they never age.

Because they freshly remain…

Never wanted it to be this way.

My intent was to live for you, but fear replaced my front with my back.

Maybe…it’s me.

Maybe it’s time for a new everything.

Washed away from my existence. Transformed in belly of the bliss.

Maybe…one day.

I will love you whole again.

But for now…I love in passing. Impressionably concise.

I come, I go. I divide.

To break the link that divides us together.

Circular Triangle.

Gregory Colbert | Ashes And Snow

He uses me the same way I use him.

He treats me the way I treat him.

And easily the triangle loops into a circle,

where karma dwells in full bliss.

He loves me the sane way I love him.

He sacrifices for me the way I do for him.

He even forgives in the manner, I have for him.

When one of us don’t deserve it,

the other will persist.

But it won’t last.

Because the truth doesn’t exist.

The triangle transform into a circle,

where karma dwells in full bliss.

As it revolves, I can’t but to think…

‘Who will be the first to pay?’

A Delicate Situation.

Alice in Wonderland | Tim Burton

image via: trendland

“Baby you done lost your good thing now.

Oh, baby you done lost your good thing now.

The way I use to love you baby,

that’s the way I hate you now.” – B.B. KING

Be There For You (Extended Version)

until the end of time. <3

Let’s set the record straight.

I mean what I say, and I don’t repeat myself.

I said it once, so I will never say it again.

Yes, that word. Because it means nothing to me.

I use it just to illustrate my concept.

But my actions will be the basket for this word,

supporting it as we journey through life.

Don’t get all sensitive on me.

Please.

Let’s not calculate my every motive.

You were never good at math.

And things won’t accurately add up.

Because it is relative, and we have our reasons.

Just BE inside of this, and chill inside of this.

That word, vaguely sums up all that we are to one another.

The trust, the care, the distance, the sacrifice.

The need, the want.

I don’t ever want to say it again. It means nothing to me.

It’s just a word.

I know…someday…you

will ask me this again.

And my mouth will ignore you.

But my heart will show you.

The Things Schemers Do.

crawl.

whisper.

stroke.

rub.

strip.

un-buckle.

coo.

sway.

roll.

smirk.

wink.

side-eye.

chuckle.

stroll.

glide.

stare.

pause,

between sentences.

smear the truth between two slices of lies.

beat around the bush.

talk a good game.

open doors.

pull chairs.

flip worlds upside down.

disappear.

don’t eat the apple eve.